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        Many years ago, I remember reading a hilariously funny short story by Krishan Chander (1914-1977) about the inhuman and inchoate ways of bureaucracy . If my memory serves me right it was called ''The Jamun Tree' Krishan Chander was an Hindi and Urdu afsaana nigaar, or short story writer. Before partition, he wrote mainly in the Urdu language. After partition of the country, he took the writing in Hindi. Though his script changed, the language remain by and large Hindustani. He was a prolific writer, penning over 20 novels, 30 collections of short stories and scores of radio plays in Urdu and Hindi. Krishan Chander's novels have been translated into over 16 Indian languages and some foreign languages, including English. Krishan Chander wrote a famous trilogy in novels —, 'Gadhe Ke Surguzasht', 'Ek Gadhe Ki Atma Katha' and 'Gadhe Ke Wapsi'. These novels centering around a donkey became a rich material for dramatization.

        Krishan Chander showed tremendous understanding of the working of government and ways of bureaucracy in India after independence. His emotional understanding of the methods, moves, manoeuvres and machinations of administration in North Block and South Block in the Central Secretariat in New Delhi became the focal point of many of his short stories.

        Starting from 1969 till 1994, I served in Fort St.George, starting from the level of Under-Secretary to that of Secretary. In the light of my hands-on experience at various levels in the Secretariat, I am presenting below an imaginary story of how a fallen mango tree in the Fort St.George campus was dealt with by different departments in the Secretariat in the not very distant past.

        It was the month of November. After a fierce gale following a heavy downpour, a mango tree in the lawn of the Madras Secretariat came down with a crash. In the morning Kodambakkam Kuzhappasami, the gardener came to the spot. He discovered a man by name Adambakkam Appavisami, belonging to the Adi Dravida community lying crushed under the fallen tree. In a matter of seconds, a crowd of Secretariat staff collected around the tree.

        'A very beautiful tree indeed', one of the clerks said. 'And what delicious fruits', another said. 'I used to take home a bagful of these sweet mangoes when the tree was in fruit and full bloom. How my children loved those mangoes?', said a third clerk in tears.

        'What are we going to do with the man under the fallen tree ?' asked the Superintendent in charge of the Secretariat Estate.

        'God only knows if the man is dead or alive', one of the peons said.

        'I think he must be dead. A man on whom such a heavy mango tree falls — what earthly chance can he have of surviving?', said one of the learned and liveried Duffadars to The Honourable PWD Minister.

        'I AM STILL ALIVE' groaned Adambakkam Appavisami under the tree.

        'It is a miracle', a Section Officer said, looking around and surprised.

        'We must remove him from under the tree quickly without any further delay', shouted the gardener Kodambakkam Kuzhappasami.

        'But it is a difficult job. Don't you see how massive and heavy the tree is?', reacted a fat lazy peon Madavaram Madamandasami, one of the distant relations of a powerful Minister with a tremendous caste-Hindu backing.

        The gardener Kodambakkam Kuzhappasami declared with confidence 'What can be the problem? I see no difficulty. The Superintendent Aiya has only to give his word and fifteen of us, peons, clerks, gardeners will put our backs to the tree. It can be done in a minute and the tree removed.'

        Now began the classic symphony of Fort St.George. 'Please wait. Let me have a word with our no-nonsense Under Secretary'.

        The Superintendent went to the Under Secretary, the Under Secretary to the Deputy Secretary, The Deputy Secretary to the Joint Secretary, The Joint Secretary to the Additional Secretary and the Additional Secretary to the Secretary, the Secretary to the Minister and the Minister to the Chief Minister. The Minister whispered something into the ear of the ever-in-bonded labour IAS Secretary. Instantaneously a file was launched for the removal of the mango tree. This great file moved down, stage by stage, with measured pace and unmeasured time, right from the level of Secretary down to the Under Secretary. Half the day was gone.

        At lunch time like children gathering with enthusiasm around a street juggler, more than 8000 members of the Secretariat staff gathered around Adambakkam Appavisami who lay crushed under the mango tree. A handful of sensible and sensitive people present wanted to rescue the man under the tree. Even as they started moving towards the mango tree in question, the Superintendent rushed to the spot, waving a file. He said. 'we cannot remove the tree ourselves. This issue relating to a tree comes under the jurisdiction of the Agriculture Department and very rightly so. I will mark the file urgent and send it to the Agriculture Department. As soon as the orders are received from them, we can have the tree removed'.

        After two days, a reply came from Agriculture Department. They said that the mango tree had fallen in the lawn of the Industries Department and that it was their concern. Industries department said that TREE was an agricultural subject. The problem was botanical and not land-oriented.

        After 24 hours, the Agriculture Department decided to transfer the case to the Horticulture Department, stating that mango related to the field of Horticulture

        In the mean time, Adambakkam Appavisami under the tree was being given some rice and vegetables to eat by the gardener Kodambakkam Kuzhappasami who had obtained appropriate Police permission to do so. In the mean time on instructions from the Chief Minister, the Chief Secretary had directed the Director General of Police to create a special group consisting of one IG, two SPs, four Dy.SPs, eight Inspectors, sixteen Sub Inspectors to move to the spot where the tree had fallen to maintain law and order and public tranquility.

        After five days of hectic and procedural inactivity, during the night, Adambakkam Appavisami for the first time started groaning loudly to the gardener Kodambakkam Kuzhappasami who consoled him: 'Don't worry, your file is being attended to. I have no doubt there will be a definite decision by tomorrow. Adambakkam Appavisami lapsed into a coma in deathly silence. Kodambakkam Kuzhappasami comforted him in this manner: 'Thank God! The mango tree fell only on your shoulders. Alas! if it had fallen on your spine you would have been crushed to death.'

        Next day a very caustic reply came from Horticulture Department Secretary, known for his unexampled loyalty and unlimited stupidity: 'I am surprised that we should have mindless officials in the country who do not baulk at cutting down a fruit bearing tree at a time when the 'GROW MORE TREES' campaign is in full swing. Under no circumstances will my responsible Department agree to such an uncivilized sacrilege.'

        Then it was decided by Health Department in the Secretariat to perform an emergency surgical operation on Adambakkam Appavisami, after physically pulling him out from under the tree. After going through the operation, the plan was to replant the mango tree at the same spot where it had stood before. The Director of Medical Education with a team of doctors, on telephonic instructions from Health Minister from London where he was inaugurating an International Conference on Painless Plastic Surgery, rushed to the Secretariat campus. After examining the injured victim under the tree, he gave a final finding to the effect that surgery was not feasible because the patient may die.

        By the time this final verdict was given, Adambakkam Appavisami was more than half way to his death—indeed to his blessed liberation from the procedural torture of Fort St George. He sighed and mumbled a couplet:

        'I know it's not in your nature to refuse

        But I'll be dead by the time you get me the news'

        Kodambakkam Kuzhappasami who was also a Kavignar and who had been decorated with 'Kalaimamani' twenty years earlier asked the fallen victim: 'I am delighted to note that you too are a poet. See the picture of our Former Chief Minister Moodarignar Medaavi Muthanna giving me the priceless title of Kalaimamani twenty years ago.'

        When the Superintendent heard that Adampakkam Appavisami was a poet, he saw to it that the file was transferred to the Department of Culture and Fine Arts for final disposal. The Culture Department transferred the file to Environment and Forests Department for appropriate action. Since they did not have powers under the Environment Act, they transferred the file to the Department of Environment in the Government of India in New Delhi. There the file went to the Prime Minister who finally ordered the tree to be cut down. When his orders reached Fort St.George and when the gardener took the orders to Adambakkam Appavisami, he was finally shocked to see that Appavisami was already dead. Thus the file of his life had been completed by Lord Yama independently of the orders of the Prime Minister.

        There are three classic laws governing public servants in India:

        Law no.1: I am duty-bound not to depart from procedure.

        Law no. 2: I am procedure-bound not to do my duty

        Law no. 3: I am duty-bound not to do my duty unless ordered so by Minister/Chief Minister/Prime Minister.

        God save India and her helpless children-citizens!!