Travails of Tamil

This is solely for the eyes and ears of our honourable minister, Tamil Citizen which when translated into Tamil reads, Tamilkudimagan. Readers are advised not to eavesdrop on this very privileged communication, in chaste ‘Tanglish’, between a die-hard dravidian and his Aryan well-wisher, that is me.

The idea of this piece, dear Minister annan, is to bring to your notice some chinks in your highly rational armour, that tend to give the lie to some of your avowed preachings of late. Of course, it would be a crime to doubt your commitment to the cause of Tamil even if it is at the cost of Tamilians.

But all the same, being someone from the opposite camp but still qualifying as a well-wisher, I thought it fit to bring to your notice some aberrations deliberately being exploited by the dirty Aryans.

Now, it is no secret that your leader, who is also the sole leader for all the Tamils all over the world and even beyond, rears a few dogs at his residence(s). Of course, we know that these must be Tamil dogs which are capable of barking in pure Tamil that the CM and the CM alone can understand, devoted as he is to the cause of Tamil like nobody else.

For when it comes to language he is not bigamous and remains loyal to Tamil and Tamil alone. Perfect, so far. But it is now learnt from an interview given by him to a Tamil magazine, that the dogs have been named Blacky and Brighty. Needless to say, I immediately took the precaution of checking every known Tamil dictionary but failed to find these two words in them.

Surely, our highly Tamil literate CM must have a reason for calling his dogs thus and his exclusive lexicon is certain to contain such wonderful Tamil words like Blacky and Brighty. But all the same it needs some clarification from your end lest the Aryans unleash a slander campaign on why the CM, who expects even god to be addressed in Tamil should be naming his dog differently.

Then there is the ubiquitous Sun TV, owned solely by your sole leader, but surely for the sake of his co-borns, for the sole cause of Tamil and Tamil only. Once again, it is rumoured that the word Sun belongs to a language called English, spelt-E-N-G-L-I-S-H while there is no trace of it in any of the Tamil literature, be it Kamban’s or Kalaignar’s. I beg clarification.

Of course, your leader which term includes the nephew and his clan too, deserves all credit for promoting Tamil through their Malayalam, Telugu and Kannada channels. We also understand that the purpose of these new ventures is to solve the vexed Periyar dam, Telugu-Ganga and Cauvery issues respectively.

But cynics are cynics and they are now wanting to know why Kalaignar is dabbling in alien languages. The idiots are wondering loudly how the un-Tamil Sun can rise from the very-Tamil Arivalayam. Also, they are quizzing why the Kalaignar’s co-borns have named the other vernacular channels in the respective tongues while the Tamil channel bears an English name. Kindly request your very rational leader to prove that Sun too is Tamil.

There is then the question of the Son. Even after painstaking research I have miserably failed to come out with a single Tamil poet or savant or a literary figure bearing the name Stalin. A guy answering to the same name had lorded over Russia half a century back, but then surely your Thalaivar’s dravidian sense could not have been inspired by that very foreign leader. Also it is beneath one’s self-respect to adopt such a non-Tamil name. Yet the coincidence is striking and needs some amount of rationalising, which only rationalists like you are capable of.

The Tamil archanas are once again, very laudable. But then as you are aware, Tamil is spoken in several dialects. There is the Nellai Tamil, the Madurai Tamil, Kovai Tamil and even the Madras baashai. The devotees and the priests alike are now a confused lot, not to speak of the poor gods who are being driven crazy. We request you to forthwith come out with a divine dictionary that will prevent the gods from hearing the prayers wrong, which could be disastrous.

The idea of a compulsory Tamil medium is truly excellent. This will ensure that the Tamilians stayed put in Tamilnadu for ever and will not, or rather cannot, venture into Aryan lands. Wonderful. Of course, we, the younger generation, run the risk of being left out of the mainstream but you need not worry, for you and your leader have no stake in our future. So what if the entire world and even the neighbouring AP is migrating to cyber languages? We shall remain steadfast to remaining primitive.

I hereby appeal to your esteemed Tamil Arivu to consider and set right these glaring anomalies at the earliest so that Tamil marches on, no matter if Tamilians limp and lag behind woefully.

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Jawahar T R