The hidden ‘Hand’-book

‘Is it in the CBI manual?’ queried the SC when told that it was perfectly normal for the investigative agency’s head to consult his political bosses. With due respect to the honourable court, we wish to place on record here that, notwithstanding whatever is in the CBI manual, which incidentally can be known only after a CBI enquiry and which report has to be vetted by the law minister, the SC must have actually called for the UPA manual.

I am pretty sure such a covenant exists, if not as a hard copy, at least as an unwritten code amidst the high and mighty of the United Plunderers’ Association at the helm. Needless to say, this ‘document’ is subject to omerta but the SC will have to keep at it persistently to unravel the truth behind the truth behind the truth behind (repeat fifty times) … the thick facade of falsehoods, frauds and farces on full parade. As a member of the collective citizenry that has been ripped off of crores through some slick con jobs by street-smart, smooth criminals in power, we wish to implead albeit in all humility with a few points for the Hon SC’s consideration.

Now, it is assumed the Country and its Courts are subject to the written Constitution, which is deemed the final authority. But the UPA code stipulates that the Congress supercedes the country, the courts and even the constitution. (Note how the capital ‘C’s have converted to small case!) But the Congress itself becomes congress when confronted by the Chosen ones, namely, Nehrus who have morphed into and masquerade now as Gandhis, through some jugglery of family names and deliberate mis-spellings. The SC may want to look into the legality of how a wholly swadeshi Mahatma Gandhi yielded space to an imported Maino Gandhi in the national mainstream in just a few decades.

Tip Two: And this imported Indian Made Foreign Leader (IMFL) is ‘duty-free’ with no responsibility whatsoever for anything but with absolute control over everything. A simple but supremely successful ‘Heads I Win, Tails You Lose’ formula. Power sans personal accountability naturally means that the treasury can be dipped into without leaving any fingerprint. The evidence based jurisprudence that fixes rapists and terrorists stands no chance against such a secretive set-up that also insulates the Family, the extended family and compatriots like Q.

Yes, things do get out of hand. But there are checks and opaque security layers that are Court-proof. Any distress situation can be handled what with willing scapegoats and pliable but powerful people in the loot loop. Also, the CBI can be counted on to muddy up the crime scene. With coalitions rife, corruption can get federal and allies can be drafted or dumped to convenience. Of course, there is always the original insurance of a career bureaucrat with a seemingly clean image as puppet PM for back up. The blind-folded angel of justice can easily lose her way navigating this maze.

In time, thanks to life-giving power, the programmed puppet can operate without the pulls of the puppetteer. The PM is now such an adept in the touch-me-not tactic that you can almost call him Manmohan Singh Gandhi. Here is PM MSingh’s Standard Operating Procedure set forth in the manual whenever a scam alarm sounds. First, defend the accused colleagues with full force of conviction. If the infection is not contained, de-scam the situation by axing the same colleagues with the same conviction. If PMO itself is targetted, then PM is to distance himself from the PMO. If trouble persists, the ‘easily mis-led’ PM has to be differentiated from the honest and scholarly Manmohan Singh. If no avail, then distinguish Guwahati resident and RS MP Manmohan from Singh of distant Punjab. And if still the noose tightens, accept Nawaz Sharif’s invite, go to birthplace in Paki Punjab and also conduct peace talks over kebabs. (Our SC has no Bench in Islamabad!)

The UPA’s exhaustive manual, inter alia, also suggests that scandals be launched in quick succession without any commercial breaks so that one is eclipsed by the next. Big size scams are recommended as the law of limitation will come into force by the time the zeroes in the CAG report are compiled, counted and tallied. Tactical decoys like real rapes and real-time terror are to be used to divert activists and media. Digvijay can be delivered in small doses to rant against everyone, inside and outside Cong. For a cameo comedy effect, the new ‘Voice’-President Ra(h)ul, son of Sonia & grandson of Indira & Great grandson of Jawaharlal etc can rile against hereditary power; or condemn VIP culture, to thunderous applause from the scores of z++++ security.

I rest my case. Apologies for subjecting the SC to this, er, Manual labour!

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Jawahar T R