In a country like India where self-proclaimed VIPs abound, it is awards time right through the year. With a plethora of awards floating in the air and scores of candidates vying to grab the honours, it is indeed a pity that even the prestigious ones get trivialised.
Also contributing to the general fatigue is the trend of dumping the deserving and undeserving candidates together for, apart from eminence, which was the sole criteria in the past, prominence too matters a lot these days. Even in coveted national hounours, care is taken to ensure that some popular persons too are included in the list, just in case, as is evident from the fragrance of lotus emanating from the selection of a few bushans.
But then it is a sign of the times, particularly, coalition times when the exercise of every choice becomes as onerous as, say, ministry making.
But we, at NT, are not going to be deterred by the crowd and have come out with our own nominations for the various honours. To avoid traffic jams on stage, there shall be no formal presentation ceremonies–no monies, either– and a paper cutting of the relevent paras is deemed proof enough. Now over to the list of awardees:
The Ultimate Indian Award: There was only one nomination for this award instituted by Congressmen. Rumour has it that there were at aleast three persons from that party in the race, but they had withdrawn on apprehensions of expulsion.
The award is in recognition of Sonia’s roman, pardon, yeoman services to the nation …yes, yes, only India. We have been advised to leave the award at the gates of 10 Janpath, either with the securitymen or the CWC members who normally linger in that vicinity.
Reacting to her nomination, sources close to 10 Janpath said the award besides establishing beyond doubt Sonia’s credentials as a true Indian has also paved the way for her to lead the country to whereever she wants to lead it. Jubiliant congressmen who thronged the sacred venue on Janpath, also demanded that two more mini-awards be initiated to be presented to Priyanka and Rahul, after a due process of selection.
Best Uncle Award: This, as intelligent readers would have rationalised by now, is being presented to Thaanai Thalaivan Dr Kalaingar (oops) Mudalvar Karunanidhi for his sterling services to his nephew answering to the name Maran, who has always ranked as the first among his equal co-borns.
It may be recalled that the Kalaingar had earlier received the Best Dad award which coincidentally coincided with Stalin becoming the Mayor of Chennai. The first family of TN is also all set to clinch the Best Family award which in all likelihood will coincide with the launch of a new Oriya ..or is it Bhojpuri?.. channel by the SunTV as part of its continuing efforts to promote Tamil.
Addressing presspersons at the Secretariat, the CM said the credit for the award should actually go to his nephew for doing him, and thereby, the Dravidian movement itself proud. Reiterating that the DMK is like his family and vice versa, the CM, adjusting his yellow towel, said the party has been enriched no bounds owing to the tireless efforts of co-borns like Maran. DMK partymen were observed loitering in the corridors of power, with the customary white towels…on their heads.
Rani of Tansi Award: This coveted award goes to AIADMK supremo Jayalalitha for her unflinching commitment to her land that was sought to be annexed by political predators. The award carries a citation from the special judge–of the awards panel, that is– that details her relentless efforts to secure her soil from the enemies, just across the road in Gopalapuram.
Expressing happiness over her selection which she has accepted ‘magnanimously’, Jayalalitha in a press release faxed from Hyderabad, said it was just the beginning and she would soon get the Colour TV and Pleasant Stay awards too. She was also confident that Jaya Publi…sorry, AIADMK would eventually take control of the State Secretariat itself.
Millenium Mess-Iyah award: This goes to iyah Moopanar for finding himself in a mess, too often, dragging his friends and foes alike also into it. Billed originally as the messiah who would grant deliverance from the torrid thirty-year dravidian rule, the TMC leader is also being recognised for successfully thwarting such hopes through his own effort or, rather, the lack of it.
Chewing his way to this prestigious award, amidst tight competition from such immortal characters as Hamlet, GKM who is currently busy with his dilemma over Amma chatted up quite candidly with the scribes who were on hand. When reporters wanted to know what he thought of the award, he said he has not decided what to think about the award.
When quizzed if he would talk to Sonia about the award, he said he had not thought about it, either. When impatient reporters demanded what else he was thinking of, he said he would inform them as soon as he comes to know about it.
Loose-Cannon Award: This is a rolling trophy and is being presented to Dr.Ramadoss. The award was secured after a lot of haggling with Dr. Swamy, the earlier recepient, who was reluctant to part with it. Dr.Swamy relented only after he was confronted with newspaper clippings and TV footages that proved beyond doubt that Dr Ramadoss has issued more statements than anybody else apart from shooting his mouth off most often and also topped the charts in contradicting himself the maximum number of times.
A jubilant Dr Ramadoss reiterated his commitment to entertain and announced a new agitation demanding reservations in the UN and US Senate. He said flight tickets have already been– you guessed it– reserved for his son to visit the United States and warned his detractors against ‘whipping’ up anti-vanniar sentiments.
Casablanca award: The wonder boy on the burning deck, Sachin Tendulkar has been selected for this gallantry award for captaining a sinking ship that excelled even the Titanic in going down under. The award, a trophy really, is in the form of a statuette of an umpire holding up his index finger.
Speaking to reporters, Sachin said that the piece would be prominently displayed in the Indian dressing room so that his boys (how true!) need not take the trouble of walking up to the pitch to know their fate. The award shall be presented by Azharuddin on a platter.
What is an award ceremony without one for the Suuu…per Star, even though he can rarely be sighted? In any case, is it not the politically correct thing to do? So here is our tribute, in recognition of his contribution to Arts and Sciences. The citation states that the Arts award, christened Rajini Tripple Five, is for perfecting and popularising the art of lobbing cigarettes from arms length with no misses till it reaches the lip.
And the Science hounour, aptly called To Hell With Newton Award, is for the super star’s ability to defy gravity even as he is nonchalantly knocking off about two dozen villains mid-air. This award also recognises his pioneering role in replacing reactions with a lot of action in cinema.
Well, lest I forget the audio effect, Shhhhhhh ishhh ishhhh…
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