Respected Dr Thaanai Thalaivar Kalaingarji, Congratulations on being anointed unopposed as the leader of The Progressive Front in TN. Though ‘Front’ is familiar stuff for us, the word ‘Progressive’ certainly sounds, well er, progressive. Of course, we are a little surprised that ‘secular’ is missing from the nomenclature, but that is probably owing to the ‘communal’ hangover from the past few years of heady power.
In any case it makes rational good sense to keep talking of secularism without having the word on the nameplate just in case the NDA romps home and Vajpayee winks at you. ‘S’ may become a liability then. Good thinking! ‘Progressive’ should be the buzzword but the irrational ignoramuses around should be enlightened first on the list of progressives that you have let loose during your great career.
First things first. What a coup of an alliance, that too with the party that accused you in the murder of its leader! Great show, considering that the late leader’s wife herself has exonerated you and given a voluntary pardon, though it should be said to your credit that you never made any confession. Self-respect safe and ship-shape. So what if the last word on Rajiv murder case has not been said and investigations are still on. If the Congress itself is willing to bury the Jain pumpkin that it exhumed and exploited much to your distress about six years back, it is their funeral. Manmohanji even described you as a builder of modern India, alongside the likes of Nehruji. You can now return the compliment by hailing Soniaji as the great daughter-in-law of the great daughter of the great Nehru. Great progress indeed, Thalaivaa, from being dubbed a cohort in conspiracy to becoming a comrade in arms.
And talking of comrades, what a liberal lot they are really! You can always bank on the Commies for off-the-shelf ideological concoctions to cure communal ailments. No matter if you had been wallowing in that ‘dirt’ for five years. They will still embrace you and naively believe they have cleansed you though we know that you would entertain no such considerations of reciprocity if power beckons again in future. Not that the Left is bereft of shame. It is just that, having been left out of active politicking and networking, and instead idly withering away in devil’s workshops called politburos, they have suddenly scented action. Look at the alacrity with which the bearded oracle, Shri Surjeetji of Siberia –he must have reminded you of Periyar — touched base with you in quick time despite his physical frailities and ideological numbness. In fact the secular sardar beat Sonia’s sardar by almost a week and had little difficulty seeing ‘eye-to-eye’ with you, his old friend, permanant or otherwise.
And while on the topic of permanance, the MDMK was never destined to be your perennial foe. The rationalist in you must have realised it long back, only that the father in you had second thoughts. But with the nephew no longer around, Delhi can now be bartered away to Vaiko with reciprocal coast-clear-arrangement for son Stalin here on the sands of the Marina. The prodigality was never in doubt, only waiting to happen. After all the commonality between you and Vaiko is not just confined to Tiger-riding, but goes much beyond: A shared enemy on home turf, an uncomfortable stay in NDA, secular allies beckoning consistently and of course, a mutually beneficial merger of your respective vote banks. And having elicited without exactly soliciting, a pardon from the Congress on the LTTE plus Rajiv murder issue for yourself, it is prudent to extract one for the MDMK too as an add-on. After all the Congress is in a forgiving mood now and the pardon-offer may close once the poll festival is over. But now, having committed itself to your ‘innocence’, the Congress cannot go back on it later, alliance or no alliance. You are getting progressively far-sighted by the day, Mr Dr Kalaingar.
And behold the way you progressively combined your rationalism with BJP’s nationalism, Kalaingarji. You have always dubbed the BJP as an Aryan party and the antithesis of all that your great gurus Thandhai Periyarji and Annan Annaji stood for. Yet the die-hard Dravidian in you with all that hands-on training at their feet on rationalism and self-respect did not deter you from joining hands with the Aryans. This despite your strong belief and repeated assertions that the BJP’s forefathers landed on this land of yours from the Central Asian mountains and drove away your forefathers. And as if such ‘progressiveness’ is not enough, you are now even ready to download those from the snowy Alps to rule this country. Exhilarating stuff, for sure,Thalaivaa, and another feather on your self-respect cap, to invite a foreigner to lord over us. But so too are the BJP Aryans, then why complain, I can hear your rational retort. Great. The ultimate rationalist thinker that you are, you can always cook up some sound logic, not to speak of an appropriate slogan to back your action. For instance, like the now-discredited Aryan invasion theory, you can always invoke some historical concoction like Italians also being of the same Dravidian stock. I hear, there are already some historians who claim such a link. You can rope them in for after all history is what the historians say! Of course, you can proclaim it to the world as your own discovery, just as you discovered all Hindus to be thieves.
And that brings me to the subject of Hindus, thieves all, your pet whipping boys and punching bags. You have been more than kind to them. You have made a career out of dethroning their gods, demeaning their culture, deriding their symbols and demonising their rituals. And instead progressively launched your Dravidian icons as demi-gods and presiding deities with a hallowed position for yourself in the pantheon. Aah, what respect you have for your self, which is probably what you mean by self-respect. In your realm, banalities, not the Bhagwad Gita, is sacred; hypocrisy, not Hinduism, is a way of life; psychopancy, not piety, a means of salvation and rhetoric, not reason, is the reigning mantra. Great progress. Again, your selective atheism that shuns temples and Thiruvizhas, but accommodates iftars and St Andrew’s kirks is indeed progressive secularism at its all time best. Keep it up!
And how progressively fair and balanced you have been in your disposition towards your subjects: Always singling out ‘that particularly community’ among them for all the ills plaguing the society. Of course, the caste conflicts and such other wranglings amidst Periyar’s parivar with ‘that particular community’ figuring on neither side is an irrational irrelevance to you. But, the vitriolic rhetoric that overflows from the bottomless fountainhead of contempt that you entertain against ‘that particular community’ cannot, or rather, should not be deemed communal. That is perfectly justified progressive reform born out of rational thought, and not incitement or denigration! Wonderful!
Rubbing shoulders with Cong after 23 years is indeed a sort of homecoming. And if you go back to the NDA that would still be homecoming. Anyway, shuttling between two homes is no big deal for you, Thalaivaa. Rather it is a sign of true progressiveness.
Phew! It is becoming increasingly difficult to keep pace with your phenomenal progress, great leader. So here is wishing all luck to you and to the Progressive Front that you are leading from the front.
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