Dear Mr Kejriwal,
I am thoroughly disappointed with you. You have completely underestimated the people’s appetite. And our politicos’ capacity. What is this? Even the 1986 Bofors rip-off was Rs 64 Crs. And after 26 years you are talking of a paltry Rs 500 Crs that does not even account for inflation.
And how can you, someone claiming to be fighting corruption, not be aware of the running rates of scams? Even allies talk in the region of Rs1.76 lakh Crs, give or take a few thousand (Crs, I mean). You forget you are taking on the Grand Old Party of the ruling alliance and the First Family of that dispensation, and its only son-in-law. After the big build-up, we expected a ground-breaking scandal like Coalgate, wherein a lot of ground was literally broken up and huge loads of dirt and sleaze were unearthed. But Rs 500 Crs? Peanuts. Insult. You have truly gone bananas. Only councillors or MLAs deal in that bandwidth. You really owe an apology for showing scant respect to that VIP’s position and bringing down his ‘worth’ in public esteem!
And what’s all this talk of DLF and Haryana, all a stone’s throw from Delhi? Switzerland, Mr Kejriwal, Switzerland. That’s where you should be digging. And do some globe trotting too to some other exotic haven. Also, do some ‘home’work by deepening your search in India itself. Only then can you do true justice to your tall target who is much ‘more’ than what you think. So, never again ‘devalue or undermine’ your opponent. Will see you after you come back with something worth our while. By the way, having thrown your hat in the political ring, do you still need that Gandhi cap? Also electricians don’t wear one!
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Dear Robert,
I address you by your first name because you have achieved such household fame overnight that I feel quite chummy about you. In fact, ‘Rob’ is chummier and closer … no sinister insinuation there.
Rob, you are truly the boy next door. Many including your own family and friends, have wondered, how a crass one like you, sans any class, landed the high profile lass. In fact, a magazine had commented at the time of your marriage that you would not figure in the first thousand eligible bachelors in India. Of course the Nehru clan is known for its ‘socialist’ leanings. Still, you seem to have a penchant for hitting jackpots or ‘sweetheart’ deals, be it finances and fiancees.
Now, Rob, how can a bunch of self-righteous snobs accuse you of robbing what’s rightfully yours by virtue (or vice) of marrying into the family that deems the nation itself as its private property? Compared to such dowry entitlement owed you by the pathetic people of this country, what are those petty properties? A steal no doubt, rob, pardon, Rob, from the point of view of a mango country deep in the red but going green in jealousy. You have rightly called their bluff by getting off Facebook and thus symbolically suggesting that you don’t have to face anyone. And what’s all this silly fuss about you breezing through traffic, airport security etc? Let all those wasted characters wait to watch you wade through the laws of the land unscathed and richer.
As the most valuable ‘private person’ in the country, your immunity is skyhigh and guaranteed by no less than the Government of India. Still, be careful, for even a banana republic will leave a lot of banana peels that you may step on, skid and slip. So Rob, have fun and help yourself to all you want. The bill, and joke is on us!
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Dear Soniaji Mainoji,
As the reigning deity of the Cong cult, yours is a class act: Omerta on your part, while the minions stage their sordid sound and sycophancy show. The sight of all those ministers taking your wish and whim as an order and raging against the offenders as if on their own was truly touching. You could not have asked more for your dear Signor Rob, what with the Finance, Law and Corporate Affairs ministers — the ones who should be investigating — actually pleading for him.
Listen to your law minister, if you had missed him in the din: ‘If Kejriwal had just said Vadra, we would have kept quiet. But he said Vadra, son-in-law of Sonia. So we can’t keep quiet. For, she is the sole reason of what and where we are. She is everything. We can even die for her’. And as the ultimate trump card there is always your pet puppet, the honest MSingh, to deliver his habitual exoneration. He is awaiting your cue.
Signora, we always knew that as the son-in-law of the nation’s daughter-in-law, Rob is above law! For, even a superior Saint like you cannot renounce a daughter’s hubby just like that. Nor is he a Natwar or Kalmadi to be sacrificed on the sly. Not that you wouldn’t have thought of it, but look at the flip side. Rob too is politically ambitious. And your son Ra(h)ul, as of now, is a dwarf in comparison to every other politico. Indeed, Rob is the only ‘politician’ Ra(h)ul can beat. So why not rob Rob to pay Raul? Amidst all this chaos I actually see a bright future for your son … in your household, that is, and its extension, the Cong party. Don’t worry, some realtor can always take care of Rob.
By the way, that was a nice gesture, visiting a rape victim. But what about the nation, which is being gangraped by your party and its partners for years on?
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