This being poll time, April 1 was not just all fools day but heralded a full fooling season. All through this month and a good part of next, we are condemned to remain helpless fools as rambling politicos and a range of parties get into rabble-rousing mode. A few random samples from their manifestos and many speeches would reflect the extent they treat voters as suckers. And mind you, all are pretty serious about their stupidity.
I often bemoan in this column that TN is an island of self-alienation, cut off from mainland India. Maybe not wholly. Some of the assurances reeled out fall squarely in the domain of Centre and even spill over to global arena. Captain promises to fix petrol price at Rs 45/- flat and diesel at a dicey Rs 35/-. His famed ‘fluid’ state of mind probably has fueled a bargaining edge in matters of bottle, pardon, barrels, not just with Indian oil companies but even OPEC.
He also plans to take TN textile shops to rest of India and beyond, something the shop owners can themselves decide and do anytime even now. He is determined to bring down toll-fee in National Highways and even ‘nationalise’ some private toll collecting companies, if necessary. Now, that takes a heavy toll on our credulity, much as we hate paying that painful pocket-pinching price of passage.
J has promised dual-citizenship for Sri Lankan Tamils. What can the laws of India and SL and bilateral treaties do but deign when the Supreme Deity’s commands, delivered as she copters down from the heavens, are deemed law here? Rational K springs a fabulous spin in his manifesto: Most of what was adopted by a UN charter in the eighties were actually DMK’s brainchilds of much earlier vintage. His biological child Stalin is firm on free 3G/4G for students. This when 2G still weighs not KGs but tons of trouble ahead. And if J and K are to be believed, Kachatheevu would be back in India’s geo-kitty and TN’s terrain in no time. Sri Lanka can go drown itself in the Indian Ocean!
Most parties have promised to write-off loans given to farmers, students etc. The RBI Governor dare not enter TN for the next three weeks. Bankers can strike work on that pretext, or better still, go for a vacation — maybe, a grateful Mallya would be happy to find for them some safe havens to hide, away from the heat of the hustings here. All parties are sure of settling the Cauvery dispute in favour of TN, as sure as they have been for the last several decades.
‘Full’ Prohibition is the headiest fooling cocktail now being peddled by traditional traders and trend-setters of Tipplernadu. AIADMK wants to phase out Tasmac, forgetting the speed with which it ‘phased’ it in during the last five years! DMK acts cool as cucumber sans its historic hangovers. Neither party, however, talks of prohibition in poll-bound-Pondy, just a peg’s throw away! Anbumani’s first signature would be for abolishing alcohol. It can only be second because he has to first sign after taking oath as CM! Cap’s manic-festo has launched 1120 theatres across the State. And 112000 shops too, not Tasmac surely, though there are no clues as to what they would sell or to the sanctity of the numerics. By the way, alcohol fans are putting up a candidate in Ambattur to assert their ‘kudimagan’ rights and to protest the ‘untouchability’. Very touching.
Scan manifestos for more such precious fool’s gold. That Cong and BJP released their own is by itself an exercise in self-fooling and so ignore. Let us move on to some utterances and happenings. Captain swears to get sworn in as CM in his cherished Madurai and not Chennai. He is contesting from Ulundurpettai but keeps referring to it as Udumalaipettai! Well, somebody has to put him in place, quite literally. Mrs Captain insists that her spirited spouse is the sole source of inspiration for cops and all police academies play his movies for emulation!
Anbumani is confident the Governor would invite him to form the Government come May 19. Some midsummer day dream, that. K is bent on wiping out corruption even as Maxis-fame Dayanidhi Maran bends back and forth to rub into his grand-uncle for every possible pose. A dazed K told a Tiruchi audience that the present regime will last only six or three months and next will be his turn. Blame the slip of his forked tongue on sunstroke or some son-stroke.
J declared in her campaign in Pondy, ruled by another party, that voting for a ruling party is akin to suicide. Is TN ready for mass suicide akin to the mass murder that flooded it last Dec? An AIADMK speaker has reasoned that his Thalaivi need not meet people because people have no grievances. What if they want to thank her for that? And listen to vanished-star Ramarajan’s earthy logic: Amma is superior because she gave cattle that can produce more cattle while K’s TVs can’t similarly procreate. What a reverse rational punch! We keenly await some wordy duels between Khushboo and Namitha.
BJP yearned to capture power but has ended up with Power Star instead. Cong wants to link up all (water-less) rivers of the State. Well, that seems easier to it than linking up its factions. TN is national topper in cash seizures, but let’s hope EC wont be fooled by this tip of the iceberg.
Happy fooling around as a long ‘April’ lies ahead!
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