Dear Dr Dr Kalaingar K,
That was truly a fast one, thalaiva. We had predicted last week in these columns that your rational realm does not stretch beyond bandhs. How careless of us to have missed the obvious hunger weapon that you had unleashed only a few months back when the Supreme Court struck down a strike call, for what cause, I forget. Still, some journo friends have been suggesting that a fast idea was festering in your fertile mind. I dismissed them as professional liars. Again, there were rumours that cops had done a recce of the venue of the impending fast the night earlier, but that may be to check if Anna was turning in his grave. For, we do believe you, and your driver as well, when you say it was a sudden decision taken only after you had boarded your car on that fateful Monday morning, a decision that took even your close relatives, and that’s quite a number, by surprise.
And what a fast it was! Must surely go into Guinness for its sheer fastness, the fastest fast ever, really. It ended as fast as it started: a fast that commenced after breakfast and broke up long before lunch break. And thank God for that. On second thoughts we will leave Him out, for obvious reasons. But we must thank someone for saving your precious life, which no doubt you are ever eager to throw away for the sake of Tamils world over and particularly those across the seas. Aah, he is the one, your saviour: Rajapakse. How much he must have valued your life to have decided to go slow the ‘moment’ you hit the fast-track and stopped the big guns from booming. Of course, he has assured that the small ones would still be sniping till the last Tiger is downed, but that’s a minor detail that only those who want you in the nether world would harp on. And there are also those who insinuate that the whole farce, pardon, fast, was scripted and enacted by you: That you had been tipped off that some respite is in the offing and so went on a fast to claim credit for something which was inevitable. But ignore them, in all thick-skinned rationalism that you have always preached and practised. You were sure the war is over, and so the fast perforce has to end; so what if another war begins with a totally different set of arms within minutes of you slurping fresh juice proferred by your devoted better half, which one I fail to recollect? You can always call for the end of that new war too, give new warnings to R Pakse, write new letters to MSingh, Sonia etc and at your convenience, launch a fresh flash fast, even faster than the latest!
The fast itself may have been super fast, but it did present the world at large with several memorable vignettes even in that short time. That wheel chair posture was quite moving, though the wheel chair itself stood still grounded probably in grief to match its master’s mood. I am sure, had it had wings instead of wheels you would have flown to Lanka and landed amidst the troubled Tamils, but some manufacturing defect/default denied you that bit of history. Yet, we could see your heart reaching out … no? Must be an optical illusion. I mistook those heart shaped kites being flown by some early morning beach revellers. Still we all know how you felt, from your words, that is. And soon enough the venue was overflowing and Anna had to make room for many of his political progeny. I think you sat in fast for about three hours and later ‘lay’ in fast, if that is the correct usage. And what a sight again that was. If you are rationalism and self-respect personified, then those were truly laid low, though that once again is a spoil-sport’s angle. What mattered was that from whichever angle you positioned your camera, Dayanidhi was in the frame. But on that early morning, stretched out in full public view, with one consort at the head and the other at the foot, surrounded by sons, daughters, nephews and grandchildren, your trusted lieutenants at your bedside and with the Dravidian parivar milling by the minute, you were quite a spectacle that bespoke the State’s state and of course, Tamil pride. The near-Narayana pose (I know you would resent this and N too would be aghast for He does not wear such dark glasses, not certainly when in His sublime slumber) was ample proof that the SL Tamil cause can now rest in peace!
The photo-op was quickly exploited. We were impressed with the snap that showed you talking on the mobile; was it Obama or the UN Sec Gen at the other end listening to your exhortations in chaste Tamil? Must be! TN’s political who’s who soon started trooping in with shawls and garlands, as if this was a B-day bash. Then there was the familiar parade of film personalities, overflowing with glycerine-induced tears, and that too more for you, the thalaivar than for the Tamils you represent. But since you are the sole franchisee of Tamilness and you and Tamil are as inseparable as yellow towel and rationalism, a tear for you and from you, would suffice, I suppose. But then there were rumours that the Crocodiles Association, cringing in inferiority complex, has since resolved never to shed any more tears.
The fast as a potent political weapon was patented by Mahatma Gandhi. That you the protege of ‘South’s Gandhi’, namely, Anna, should follow in the Aryan Mahatma’s footsteps is quite commendable, though while MGandhi’s dietary routines were public knowledge, we have to plead ignorance on yours. We are also pleased to record that your doting son Azhagiri too did a Gandhigiri in far off Madurai and went without his morning meals though the media did not report if he made it up later. We also hear that in the rest of TN too there was spontaneous fasting by many of your co-borns though they feasted on public property, in tune with true Dravidian political traditions; you had instructed them to be calm and they took the cue. And just when it seemed TN would resemble the SL war zone, the fast fizzled out. Indeed, your mercy is boundless.
TN has a history of CMs who fasted in harness. Sure, each one of you must have been starved of issues and so decided on the fast way out: MGR for rice, Jaya for Cauvery water and now you for stopping the SL war. And not just you, CMs, but many politicos have very recently lapsed into ‘fast unto deaths’ for a few waking hours for the dying SL Tamils. We laud your ilk for the intended sacrifice though criminal laws would call it attempted suicide and bundle out the sacrificer in no time. But politicos are exempt from all laws, of the land and even the Lord’s. So as thalaivan of the pack of political vultures, swooping down to scavange on the caracasses of the SL Tamils and warming yourselves astride their funeral pyres, you have certainly proved yourself head and shoulders above other peers and past masters of fasts. But kindly fast forward on all future fasts that you may have up your sleeve. For, you may have fasted, but we are the ones reeling in fatigue.
Yours rationally,
A fast, pardon, lost Tamilian
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