Forays into the forest – A trekker’ s manual

News Today’s crash course continues to be a big draw. We even had a few potential bandits calling on us. Again, quite a few of them who knocked at our doors, were sporting moustaches, wanting to enrol for, either brigandry or investigative journalism. Interestingly, none of the aspirants for STF bothered to wear one as it was widely believed that anyone doing so is apt to get blown up in the jungles and if they still manage to get away, are sure to be dumped by their own political bosses.

The buzzword now in students’ circles: It is safe to be a nosey journo, safer even to become a bandit

We now move on to the subject of the day, namely forays into the forest. We are sure most of you think that it is the toughest part of the entire course. Then, you are in for a surprise. Anyway we will come to that later.

Before one embarks on a safari into the jungles one should take certain precautions lest one gets knocked down ..no not by the brigands but by the forest officials and the STF. In fact nosey journos should be wary of the latter as they are the foremost enemies of press freedom. They not only try to prevent you from doing your ‘duty’ but also do their best to deprive you of your scoop story and your subject.

So as a first step, it is better to get an approval for your entry into the forest with the authorities concerned, You can state in your application ‘that you are going to negotiate surrenders’ and that is enough. You do not have to produce a bandit on your return. Instead, it is enough if you manage to display some hostages, that too at your convenience. Besides, the authorities themselves will announce your arrival to the STF and forest guards and will instruct them to refrain from doing their duty so that you can do your duty.

Having secured the necessary ‘single-window clearance’ from the authorities for the safari, you are now on your own. No one would be monitoring you, for the clearance carries with it a blanket waiver of all that a State is law-bound to do.

It is also advisable to publicise your visit through the BBC radio (Tamil service), as an eminent Editor has tipped us off that brigands are known to regularly listen to it. So they will be prepared for your surprise visit.

We advise you to carry the following:

1. 1 .The latest video equipment. This is to record for posterity, and not to commercialise, your successful encounter with the brigand you are after. Of course, no one would bother to ask you how you are so sure of succeeding. You can also ignore insinuations that the whole thing was rehearsed. Your word that the video clippings are original and uncensored is enough.
2. Some colourful lungis. This attire surely helps your image as a feat-less journo. Also it puts you at ease while trekking in the forests or when negotiating with the brigand . It also  scares away wild animals from your vicinity. In short, it will make you feel at ‘home’ even in the bandit’s den.
3. While the authorities will not bother to send their representatives, you are at liberty to take along a couple of helpers. These helpers can be ideally picked from the hordes of informers who dwell in the forests. As they also have to be investigative reporters to accompany you, they can undergo a short stint at any weekly I (preferably the ones the bandits regularly read or pose to read.)
4. It is enough if you travel light. You don’t have to carry any foodstuffs or cosmetics for your daily use. Bandits are generally well equipped and well stocked. Besides, they are quite hospitable to friendly journalists. In case of an emergency, they can always ‘dig up’ something for you.

Besides the above, you would also do well to be always ready with a pack of lies. It is known to serve the profession well.

You are now ready to enter the jungles. You can do so, as mentioned earlier, at any point you prefer. There may be some anxious journalists (not the nosey ones) waiting at the fringes of the forests to cover your escapade. If you chance to look back, you can wave at them. They will remember this gesture when they file their story.

Once inside the forest all you have to do is to trek aimlessly. You do not have to worry about landmines as even they know you by your footsteps and are unlikely to go off, If you get the feeling that you are, being observed from treetops you need not get apprehensive; those may just be some watchful eyes of the bandit’s when ensuring your safe passage, as they can pick up your trail as easily as an elephant’s. You should be on the constant lookout for signals, which your helpers would be familiar with, which when followed to the letter, will take you to the vicinity of the brigand.

And now comes the most important part of the study: tracking down the brigand. It calls for real journalistic skills and will be, a real test for one’s abilities. And brigands have it in abundance.

For, you don’t have to find him. He will find you.

Look forward to the Face to Face session soon.

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