On a free fall

Did I ever suggest 2008 was a lousy year, full of tears and fears? Correction! Apparently, I overlooked some obvious items of cheer. Or may be I was not being wholly rational, despite living in TN. Whatever, here is a list, illustrative, but not exhaustive, of good tidings that came our way, courtesy Dr KK.

‘See God in the smiles of the poor’, Anna is said to have advised his co borns in the Dravidian parivar. Indeed, if God is eternal and omnipresent the smiles of the poor and the poor themselves have also to be permanent and pervasive. And the smiles would only become wider and last longer if the poor are made beggars too. And not just the poor, but if even the relatively better off citizens are rendered alm seekers, it is rationalism at its merry best. Little wonder that ever since ‘06, the DMK regime had sought to make just that of TN’s citizens! Incidentally, men and women queueing up with outstretched arms for one dole or another are also shining symbols of self-respect!

Nothing succeeds like success. K obviously believes that it was the promises like free TV sets, free acres, loan waivers, rice at Re 1/- kg to name a few that brought him back the crown in 2006. With LS polls due anytime now, would any ‘self’ respecting and rational person shelve the trusted and tested ‘free’ formula for a free ride to power? Sure there are EC rules that prohibit bribing of voters, but they are easy to bend given the flexible morals of the smart rationalists. For instance, K himself declares on Jan 1 that free sarees and dhotis would be distributed all over TN, barring Thirumangalam where a by poll is underway. How lawful! But here comes the rational punch. In the same breath, the CM assures the masses that the delivery would happen once the poll results are announced! For, a post-dated promise is not a bribe. EC? Easy!

That said, delivering doles go beyond mere poll arithmetics and flow from a feudal/imperial mindset that is characterestic of Dravidian politics! The leaders see themselves as divine benefactors, and worse, the flattery fraternity that fills the political space around them also deem them as such. Official offerings become gifts from ‘magnanimous’ CMs who have no qualms in basking under ‘I, the giver’ glory. Their speeches on such occasions are classic expositions of self-eulogy with the ‘I’, ‘Me’, ‘Myself’ themes forming the core, content and conclusions! In case you are so dense as to still miss these Kaliyuga Karnas (and Karnis) they will remind you nontheless by smiling at you benignly from photos printed on the wrappers of the packets you just received!

So? Hail Kalaingar for the unending dole damaka! In fact we should have thanked him last year itself, but K would not mind the delay as long as the credits keep coming. The gratitude is due even if all those colour TVs had hit the grey market in no time or had conked out soon enough or remained blank owing to lack of power, courtesy, A Veerasamy. Again, the people remain obliged even if the one rupee rice had a liberal sprinkling of constuction materials or the quality itself was unpalatable to even rats. And so what if all those free gas stoves sent crores of public funds up in a smoke? But the mother of all doles happened in Dec ‘08: Till then the free-for-all spree was largely about tangible things, but post-November rains, K launched a revolution of sorts by giving cash ‘free of cost’!

Many ration card holders in about 12 districts (including Chennai) of TN ended the year richer by Rs 2000 in crisp hard currency. This was to compensate those affected by rainwater flooding. It is a mystery how one can rebuild or reinstate a damaged house with just Rs 2000 but for many that’s better than nothing. But why 2k, Mr K? Aah, it would be irrational to go into the rationale behind arriving at that figure. May be Anna came in K’s dream and suggested a flat en masse dole, regardless of the varying degrees of destruction, because that would be perfectly egalitarian, besides evoking smiles (and invoking God) all round. Or, probably, two thousand is what you paid on the sly to obtain a ration card so that you now got back over the table what you paid under it. It would also be deemed stupid to suggest that the total of Rs 200 crores and more distributed in cash would have been better spent on improving civic amenities in the affected localities so that the Government can avoid paying, say, Rs 3000 per house next year. But whatever, the Rs 2000 free scheme was a roaring hit with people even coming in cars to fetch their dues!

The rational puratchi continues unabated! Sample this: Ordinary folk like you and I may exchange gifts for the new year. But here is our ultimate rationalist who has given a new year itself as a gift! Come Jan 14, Tamils the world over would have a new, new year, absolutely free, thanks to their sole Thalaivar. The first day of the Tamil month of thai will henceforth herald the Tamil new year instead of Chiththirai 1, which falls in mid-April. Thus, with one stroke of the official pen, K has put to nought the conspiracy of the shastras, astrologers, Tamil savants and you know who else. Now, we are tempted to ask what’s wrong with Chiththirai if we are ready to acknowledge Thai which is part of the same calendar, but we will not ask. It does not matter that Pongal, the most important day for Tamils, will now have to share the honours with another auspicious day and thus get diluted. One festival day less would also mean loss of revenues to the family held TV channels, but that’s a small price, and in any case can easily be made up. Again ‘questions’ like if the running Sarvadhari year would be a truncated one, or what would happen to the age old sixty years cycle need not be answered because there are no answers. Kalaingar year (Sarvadhikari year?) starts and that’s what counts. But a rational submission: The B-days of Anna and Periyar often coincide with Pillayar Chathurthi. Why not move them around a bit on the calendar so that clay idols dont block the cut outs?

But despite warming our hearts and filling our pockets thus, K, however, is not a happy man today. While distributing packets (free for sure, you stupid!) containing all the ingredients that go into making sweet pongal, K sounded a bit bitter. He bemoaned the relentless media criticism directed at him for all his large hearted largesse. He even wanted to know what’s wrong with freebies when the newspapers themselves offer so many free supplements. Point taken, Thalaiva, but please ensure that the next free release, say a mouse-trap or a yellow towel, is paid for from the DMK coffers or your own deep pockets! We will still take it!

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