Name: TN alias Tinsel Nadu. A theatre of many absurds.
Description: A perennially house-full theatre of all possible absurdities.
Guiding Philosophy: Reel is real. Screen shadows are sakshat substance. Life imitates artists. Celluloid pervades all aspects from politics to social mores to fashion to chronology. By strange coincidence or sinister conspiracy fate too vindicated fiction via facts.
Eg: MGR getting shot or K Balachander dying ahead of U.Villain.
Geography: Self-alienated Island at the South East corner of Mainland India.
History: Predates sand & stone; yet launched only last century by Dravidian parties.
Population: In dire straits but immunised by freebies and films.
Official Language: Tamil as certified by Dravidian leaders.
Spoken Languages: A dizzying array of district dialects not to speak of ‘Settu’ Tamil, Telugu Tamilu, ‘O’ podu Mallu Tamil, Madras baashai and Tanglish.
Never to be spoken: Hindi.
Unspoken rule: Leaders’ families exempt.
Script: Modified to correct improper usage by ignoramuses ranging from Tholkappiyar, Thiruvalluavar, Kambar to Bharathi.
Popular Tamil exponents: Rajnikanth, T Rajendher, Namitha, Khushboo and Udit Narayan.
Current savants: Karunanidhi & Vairamuthu by mutual back-slapping, pardon, consent. Sorry for the blasphemy. I left out prefixes Kalaignar and Kaviperarasu.
Tamil culture: What PMK, caste outfits, celluloid, censors & super-censors decide from time to time. Culture is negotiable, can be settled under, er, across the table.
State symbol: Portrait of ruling CM or, even ex, sometimes. To be displayed everywhere, from tiny tattoes to tall cutouts.
Official attire: Black … karuppu sunglass (Even after sunset), Karai Veshti, matching white towels, yellow if the divine decrees, fur caps and fancy capes, black shirts for rational protests, and a variety of ‘party’ wares.
Celebrity fads: Titles. Every novice politico or wannabe actor craves an ego-tickling tag to his/her name which itself can be reinvented to straddle the cradle. Thalaivars, Thalaivis, Puratchis, Thilagams, Nayagans, Thalapathis, Stars, Puyals etc are all taken.
But Tamil is fertile and fans and fanatics are creative.
Chief religions:
1) Rationalism. Prime deities are Periyar, Anna, MGR and caste chieftains. Ritualistic garlanding of their statues on B-days and D-days is a must to relive their memories. Rest of the year is for crows to relieve themselves.
2) Cinema. Matineee Idols are Gods. Pouring milk and showering flowers over their life-size banners is a grand release day ritual.
Main Industries:
1) Liquor: Govt budget is addicted to booze. A treasury sans Tasmac means a bad hangover and a big hole. Politicos ‘cutting’ edge is another factor. Alcohol is unlikely to go anonymous.
2) Flattery: What began as low-key art is now a high profit venture. Huge demand from pompous personalities who won’t let their egos go is matched by endless supply by sycophants. ‘Praise to get a raise in public life and prosperity’ is a perfected business model.
Endangered species: Farmers, fishermen, honest officiers
Main issues: K has two sons, a daughter and a nephew in the political ring. R’doss has chipped in with Anbumani. Some Cong genes also float around. J’s family is her friend’s. Third gen issues have also made forays. Heir-splitting is a major issue.
Chief public concerns: *Kamal movie woes *Trisha’s wedding plans *J’s fate *DK’s antics
Public policy: As delivered through punch dialogues, propoganda songs and puffed-up rhetoric.
Economy:
1) Free market. ‘Lazy fare’ for people’s comfort might be washing machine or fridge this poll season. TN is the only State to give cash and a Tamil New year free.
2) Inflation: A vote cost Rs 1000 few years back. Recent buy-poll indices indicate it could breach Rs 5000 by 2016. Official postings and transfer pricing are already shooting through the table roof.
3) Exports: The Salman frenzy is originally a TN patent. Corruption cases are also exported to other States owing to … forget it.
4) Imports: RBI printed high-value notes; Bollywood sirens for item numbers
External security: At war with all neighbours including Lanka over water or wood.
Internal security: Law in disorder.
Gender status: ‘She’ is supreme.
State Govt, CM, Cabinet et al: Well, they really are the wittiest part!
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